Keys to Strengthening Your Marriage

As our eighteenth wedding anniversary approaches, I find myself reflecting on the life my husband and I have built together. It is one built on respect, trust, friendship, and love. These elements have helped us navigate through life together. Four key principles have been foundational in our marriage: 1) prioritizing one another 2) having fun together 3) respecting each other, and 4) not being offended easily.

Make your relationship a priority

Life can be crazy busy and we are often pulled in multiple directions all at the same time. The days and weeks can seem to fly by, and at the end of the busy weeks, you may find yourself wondering, “When was the last time I really spent time with my husband?” The first key to a strong marriage is to make your husband and your marriage a priority. Find time each day to connect and spend time together.

The best advice I received at my baby shower was to put the baby to bed early so that my husband and I would have time together. This is something that we have followed most nights. Our daughter is eleven years old now, but she still goes to bed or to her room to read at least thirty minutes before we go to bed. Romans 12:9-10 says, “Don’t just pretend to love others [your husband]. Really love them [him]. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other” (NLT). Find a time that works for you to connect each day.

Have fun together 

As the responsibilities of adulthood increase, having fun and finding time to play often get pushed aside. Finding time to play and enjoying life together are important! My parents and grandparents were great role models for implementing fun and friendship in their marriages, and it has played a key role in their marriages standing the test of time. My parents are almost always together. This is not something new now that they have entered the new season of “retirement.” This is how they have been since I was little. I remember them spending the majority of our evenings and weekends together. Many were spent camping, working around the house, abd grilling. There were different seasons of weekly date nights, learning disco and square dancing. It didn’t matter what it was, they just had fun! My grandparents were the same way. They loved being together, up to the day my grandpa passed away. They would go camping, fishing, or just sit in their living room watching the preschool children play on the playground behind their house. This idea of enjoying time with your spouse is also a directive found in God’s Word. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil” (NLT).

Life is full of pressures, to-do lists, and headaches. I encourage you to take the time to have fun together! Find your common interests. If time has gone by and you say, “we don’t have anything in common,” I recommend you find something important to your husband and take an interest. You might be surprised! It may become something that you enjoy as well.

Choose to respect! 

Respect! This is a powerful word, and the world would say it is something that one must earn. I am here to suggest that it is something that we should give freely. God’s Word tells us in Ephesians 5:33, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NLT). Respect is often how men feel loved. You can show respect to your husband by being his partner and friend. Be there to listen and work through things together. Remember that you don’t always have to have the last word or get your own way. Show him that you value what he provides and brings to the marriage. Nothing can frustrate my husband faster than feeling disrespected. The Proverbs 31 woman is a great example of a woman who respects her husband. Verses 10-12 tell us that “a good woman is hard to find and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long” (MSG). If we were to look a little deeper into the lives of this woman and her husband, I would venture to guess that the reason “he trusts her without reserve” is because he feels respected by her. Let’s be women who are hard to find. Let’s live like the Proverbs 31 woman by loving our husbands with generous respect.

Don’t be easily offended

The final principle for a successful marriage is to not be easily offended. The devil doesn’t want our marriages to succeed. John 10:10 tells us that “the thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy” (NKJV). The spirit of offense is one way the devil tries to divide marriages. When we are quick to get offended and argue over little situations, we give the devil a foothold. If we don’t recognize it, we can spiral into bigger offenses. Disagreements happen, but I would like to believe that we don’t mean to hurt each other’s feelings. If we would pause and reflect on the situation, we can often ward off many conflicts. Steven Furtick, in his sermon “How to Deal with Offense: Is the Devil Messing Up My Relationship?,” states, “If you want to make it easier to stay happy, then make it harder for you to get offended.” 

Prioritize your husband, and find something that you enjoy doing together. I challenge you to focus on these first two principles, and the last two (respect and decreased offense) will fall into place more easily. If you need a bit more encouragement when life gets tough, remember the “golden rule” found within this scripture, “Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people [your spouse] to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them” (Matt. 7:12, MSG).