The Best Academy - Motherhood

As a family law attorney, April has been in practice for over twenty years. She and her husband Darryl have raised three accomplished children, all of whom attended Ivy League schools. Corbin, Brannon, and Ellery are successful adults with outstanding accomplishments. All of them serve God and are faithful to His Word and Kingdom. April is often asked how she raised her kids to become such excellent God-fearing individuals. Below is some of the wisdom she has shared with other mothers over the years.

Parents are natural students of their children. Think back to when you had your first child and how you studied everything about them and noted all their firsts—first tooth, first smile, first word. And the list continued to grow until their first ball game or pageant and then the first wedding dance. The firsts don’t stop, and the changes are inevitable. But the beauty of having a front-row seat from day one is that you can also use these moments to gather intel on what your child may be created for or drawn to as you help them discover God’s call for their life. If you want to have smart, successful, God-fearing, Ivy League, or Grammy award-winning children who serve the Lord, you must pay attention to what you are paying attention to.

What I mean is that while you are observing and noting what your children are accomplishing, augment and offset what you see is missing. If they are prone to working puzzles and concentrating super hard to fit a circle into a hole, then buy more puzzles or checkout puzzles from the kids’ section in the library. If your son hates books but loves bugs, take him on that big neighborhood safari where you bring home a caterpillar in a jar. Go ahead and let it spin a cocoon on your window ledge. Then have a release party when it turns into a butterfly and get tons of library books about bugs.

The key is to strengthen their strengths and really strengthen their weaknesses. Strength training doesn’t have to be a chore if you tailor the strength-building activity to something they love. This is the same for us as adults. If you have to do something difficult but get to do it over coffee at your favorite café, the experience is less unpleasant. Can you make the difficult easy all the time? No, of course not, but you certainly can aim to make the difficult more playful or more enjoyable whenever you can.

I made games out of chores, certainly not all of them, but many. Sorting laundry for example is a math activity in matching shapes and categorizing objects and folding them like in geometry. So, when my three kids were small, I gave them laundry to sort. Yes, it took hours longer and socks got tossed and baskets became go-carts if I left the room, but I reframed the moment. Wild children misbehaving became children having fun learning while also sorting clothes and being creative thinkers.

I warn you, not everyone will see the multifaceted learning moments that you see when you parent this way. I have a dear friend who, to this very day, will tell guests at any dinner party that I made my three-year-old daughter fold clothes. I always answer the ensuing gasps and laughter, saying, “She was just sorting, and sorting is math!” After she started college I added, “And she got into Harvard!” But I don’t say that last part out loud. After she started grad school I also added, “And she’s a neuroscientist!”

The point isn’t to brag on my daughter, the point is to emphasize observing your child and then creating an environment that edifies their gifts and minimizes their weaknesses.

As a toddler, my oldest child loved to bang on things—loud, wild banging on pots with spoons and saucepan lids. Was he making music or was he making a daily mess in my kitchen? At the time it was the latter. Today, he is on tour with Beyoncé and the seventeen-piece jazz band of Grammy-award-winning and Grammy-nominated musicians that he created. Banging on pans as a toddler was his way of practicing, arranging, and creating music at an early age. The point is, if they like to make music, let them. Buy or rent instruments until they tire of it or never tire of it.

My middle child could do math in his head as a toddler. I only found this out when he started answering the math problems his older brother was starting to learn. Talk about a shocker to hear a three-year-old shouting out math answers! He couldn’t write though, and his penmanship was horrible for years. So, I found a series of teddy bear math books that let him use crayons or colored pencils for the answers, that was a win. The same kid was the messiest eater at any dinner table. Back to the library we went for etiquette books and tips on how to parent a messy kid. I finally enrolled him in etiquette training which he hated and asked to quit. I told him he couldn’t quit, but if he learned proper manners, he wouldn’t have to take it again. And then I laughed because by then he was in the sixth grade, and I was over it.

Is this type of parenting a perfect science? Of course not. My musician also wanted to be a zookeeper, and we went to the zoo all over the world when we traveled. He even worked in the zoo at home. I have no idea what that was about because he is not a zookeeper. (He still loves the zoo though!)

It is important to pay attention to your children’s tendencies. Note their strengths and augment them with activities, books, games, and projects. You can learn to identify their weaknesses by observing them and using creativity and patience to educate yourself in creative ways with books, the Internet, and advice from wise moms. Surround yourself with like-minded moms who parent thoughtfully and intentionally. Remember, your child is unique. He may be like you or your spouse, so use both of your knowledge bases to figure out the kid you can’t figure out!

One last and very important point is to keep them in church—even when they want to sleep in, because God has appointments for them. However, your children learn by example, so it is important for you to keep yourself in church even when you want to sleep in. Your children are watching how you honor or dishonor the house of God. Remember that parenting is a journey, not a race; but it is a journey filled with good days and bad days. There will be days to be proud of and days you want to forget, but that is part of being human. So, enjoy your children, and you’ll enjoy the ride.